Thursday, January 24, 2013

Roots

It still amazes me how in just a couple of short weeks, more like days, our whole life plans can completely alter. But I won't be sharing about that just yet...

One whole year has passed since we decided to start a family. I have a hard time even comprehending that fact. I feel this tiny bit of relief knowing that a year later we are much more prepared and ready to start a family. But mostly sadness, confusion, so many unanswered questions.

Taylor and I both have friends who just adopted kids after years of failed pregnancies or none at all. I never thought I would be in this position. I always heard about infertility but never realized how prevalent it was.

I have learned so much through this experience alone. But two months ago was told I need to see a fertility specialist (the closest one being in Utah). Talk about expensive, and scary. I don't think I can even comprehend all of my feelings, but I can't help but think of what I would do if I couldn't have kids, how long does it take to adopt, all of these questions swirling around in my brain. In reality there could be nothing wrong at all, but I can't help but think of the worst case scenario. 

Every one keeps telling me:
It will happen when the time is right
Well your young
Enjoy the time you have alone together
It's probably just from birth control pills (which I haven't been on for years)

But it doesn't matter my age, or the fact thats others think I am too young. The pain is still there. All of those questions about my body, my future are still there. I don't even know how to comprehend this information or what to do with all of these hopeless feelings. I have a feeling this is only the start of our journey to try and start a family...
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