Thursday, January 24, 2013


It still amazes me how in just a couple of short weeks, more like days, our whole life plans can completely alter. But I won't be sharing about that just yet...

One whole year has passed since we decided to start a family. I have a hard time even comprehending that fact. I feel this tiny bit of relief knowing that a year later we are much more prepared and ready to start a family. But mostly sadness, confusion, so many unanswered questions.

Taylor and I both have friends who just adopted kids after years of failed pregnancies or none at all. I never thought I would be in this position. I always heard about infertility but never realized how prevalent it was.

I have learned so much through this experience alone. But two months ago was told I need to see a fertility specialist (the closest one being in Utah). Talk about expensive, and scary. I don't think I can even comprehend all of my feelings, but I can't help but think of what I would do if I couldn't have kids, how long does it take to adopt, all of these questions swirling around in my brain. In reality there could be nothing wrong at all, but I can't help but think of the worst case scenario. 

Every one keeps telling me:
It will happen when the time is right
Well your young
Enjoy the time you have alone together
It's probably just from birth control pills (which I haven't been on for years)

But it doesn't matter my age, or the fact thats others think I am too young. The pain is still there. All of those questions about my body, my future are still there. I don't even know how to comprehend this information or what to do with all of these hopeless feelings. I have a feeling this is only the start of our journey to try and start a family...


Jaxon's Mommy said...

You can always call me.

Jason and Jenna Jones said...

I just wanted to tell you that my heart just wants to hug yours and let you know that someone you have never even met will be praying for you. Sometimes it doesn't help for people to give advice (although it is encouraging at the right moments), but rather just let you cry and be transparent as you walk through that season. So what I will say is that in the moments you're alone... know there is a God who loves you more than words can say, and a girl in Georgia who is lifting your name up to Him. Thank you for your honesty in such a tender place.

Ashley Jane Reina said...

I honestly have no idea how hard this is for you. What I do know is when I was in the similar situation of wanting to be married and not being able to understand why that wasn't happening, or couldnt figure out what was wrong with me. Pray became my ally! The more I prayed, and attended the temple, the more peace I found. The Lord just kept telling me that I was doing what I needed to. It still hurt, there were still hard days and moments. But what I could hold on to was the fact that the Lord loved me and I was where he needed me to be, despite it being a different place than where I wanted to be.
You are brave! You are strong! The Lord may not always give you answers, but he will give you comfort and in time the answers will come.
I am always so amazed at how masterfully he orchestras our lives. I was talking with mike about that today.
Love ya sis!! Muchos hugs!!

Mrs.Hughes said...

Right there with you. Me and Mr. Hughes have been trying for over two years. I thought it was so ironic because I actually worked as an infertility RN right after nursing school . Guess there was a design to that in hind site. If you have any questions or just need to vent feel free! You are ahead of the game by staying healthy and fit!

jayleneh83@gmail dot com

I wish I could say that those comments get better. But I can't say that they have in our case. Hang in there. Infertility is a crazy hard emotional journey. Best advice I got: Pray Pray Pray and find sweet friends with good listening skills.