It's really late, or rather really early in the morning but I cannot sleep. I have a million things going through my mind and I hope by sharing them I can relieve this tight anxious pit that has festered inside me.
One year ago I found out my dearest friend from childhood had died. It happened quickly and it left all of us behind in shock. I felt as though my heart has been torn right from my chest. I had never had experience someone so close leaving me behind with so many questions, so many unsaid words. I love him so much, with all of his flaws, and things we disagreed on. Even though his endearing nickname for me was Barfa! We were family, best friends. My favourite memory with him was when we were really little we would stay up and watch the stars after watching hours on end of animal planet!
Somehow during this great loss of mine my maternal instinct surfaced. Losing Derek made me realize the important things in life and I had my heart set on my eternal goals. Non of those little things even seamed important anymore. Taylor and I soon after decided we wanted to start a family. A year has passed now and I still miss and love my best friend. Taylor and I still look forward to the day when we can get the blessing of starting our family, but one things I have learned this year is that everything is in the Lord's timing even when we can't make sense of the reasoning now.
I still don't understand why he had to go so soon.
I still don't know why I lost my pregnancy.
But I do know that Life is Truly a Gift.